Lack of originality? Perhaps, but ritual is never original. Shall we begin?
Professional Goals:
1) Read at least fifty books.
2) Publish at least twenty articles.
3) Write a short book of poetry and prose.
4) Resume playing the alto-saxophone and enroll in martial arts programs.
5) Maintain a 4.0 GPA for both Spring and Fall 2010.
6) Complete or secure an internship and begin volunteering regularly.
7) Seriously study for the GMATs and the LSATs.
8) Attain nominal fluency in Arabic.
Social Goals:
1) Travel to Oslo, Toronto, Saskatoon, and Potter Land.
2) Go alpine skiing.
3) Maintain a quotation notebook throughout the year.
4) Attend at least three chick-flick movie fests.
5) Meet new social situations with great enthusiasm. (Yes, it will get cheesy from here)
Personal Goals:
1) End the policy of not seeking external support when emotionally disturbed- finding a balance.
2) Gaze at the stars through an unpolluted section of the atmosphere.
3) Fall asleep in a different nation than the one where I awoke.
4) Hike across a harsh terrain and camp out in the wilderness.
5) Learn to cook excellent meals and clean disturbing messes.
6) Say "I love you" and mean it in the romantic sense.
02 January 2010
16 November 2009
A New Vision
I began this blog in September while under the impression that London, Ontario would continue to be my sanctuary in my sophomore year. Therefore, I added a countdown to the title of each entry. Somewhat fittingly, I just discovered that my countdown ended about seven days too soon for it to be accurate. The misguided mathematics of a child overly eager to return to London, Ontario.
And I can't help but wonder why I ever cared to go back in the first place. Even during the summer, it was fairly obvious that the few friends that remained in London wanted little to do with me for a variety of reasons.
The friends I had in senior year, due to what I hear from Curtis- and I believe that I have every right to name people specifically after everything that transpired during high school- seem mostly preoccupied with the fact that I faked being drunk in Kevin Tuck's basement and had severe emotional problems and insecurity issues and unable to comprehend that I have matured significantly since then. The MSN conversations Curtis showed me while I was still too cowardly to inform him that I didn't entirely care for him confirmed any and all suspicions I had on these matters.
The friends I had who were still in high school friend-dumped me in what my parents and friends essentially called a "typical high school fashion." My mother said that she "knew that those girls would abandon [me]," however, I like to believe that I have maintained some semblance of friendship with a couple of them. I think that they know who they are, and I am quite certain that their level of immaturity is more or less on par with what is considered "typical high school fashion." "Typical high school fashion" is more or less tolerable and easily abandoned when one enters University.
Emily, Jessica, and everyone else did not act in "typical high school fashion." They acted like they were in Grade Seven. There is no excuse for behaving immaturely for a Grade 11 girl. There is even less excuse for John to do this, seeing as he is in the same year as me and yet manages not to behave like it.
Of course, by the end of the summer, all these issues converged in a series of dramatic Facebook messages. I was forced to explain things to Curtis, which I should have admittedly done in the first place, and I received highly annoying and highly immature messages from both John and Jessica. Emily chose to block me in typical Emily non-confrontational behaviour, and eventually deleted me off Twitter along with Mark after I left a rather candid update about her.
And when everything ended, this blog was still sitting here. With its little countdown on several fluffy entries, it continued to sit here. I had no idea what to do with it. I had convinced myself that "London was holding me back," and therefore dove into a series of friendships and activities that have proven quite fruitful thus far. All have imbued me with a deep sense of hope, fulfillment, confidence, and most of all happiness. My recent RUMUN Conference in particular contributed a great deal in making me feel proud to be a dork.
And this blog was still sitting here. Granted, I had posted a political entry, and before that I had posted a short message entitled "why I left," but I had yet to define its new purpose. I maintained the countdown, but I soon began to question it as I was only counting down to seeing a number of friends who broke off contact with me in the most immature possible fashion. So, what was the point? What is the point of it?
It is connected with the following statement: I will not be visiting London for Thanksgiving vacation. I assure you that I will visit during the Winter Break, however I will only visit for a fraction of it. This blog will henceforth be a mechanism for those of you who care enough to learn about my continuing exploits throughout the world, not just in New Jersey. My life in London is over, and I have to make that clear to myself.
I am sorry to say the following, but I undoubtedly returned to London so often in an attempt to regain the approval of all the parties I have already mentioned. Now, I could not care less if I never obtain it. I am not bitter. I fully accept the consequences of my actions. However, I cannot spend the rest of my life returning to a half-life in London constantly apologizing for the mistakes I made while in a fragile emotional state. I cannot spend the rest of my days attempting to redeem myself for past errors like a Vietnam veteran working for the Red Cross.
Whatever happened happened. Meagan happened, Caroline happened, Kevin Tuck's basement happened, and Emily Soti happened. I cannot change any of those things.
Similarly, what is happening now will continue to happen. That includes all my successes at Rutgers, and in the United States in general.
And finally, whatever will happen will happen. Who knows what that will be? I will only post in this blog with that in mind from now on. Please read if you want to learn more about my summer internships, my growing proficiency in Arabic, my plans to transcribe war poetry from Gaza, and even my trip to New York Fashion Week. Such is the future, and nothing else has ever mattered more.
Corny, right? Who cares. Ha.
07 October 2009
Why it isn't the "Iraq War" (NJ 42 / 87)
One of the main problems I've always had with the name "Iraq War" is that, although less annoying than "Operation Iraqi Freedom," it serves as a more subtle form of propaganda. The most obvious question an individual somehow familiar with Iraq will ask when someone says "Iraq War" is 'which one?'
Calling it the "Iraq War" is to somehow imply that the faulty intelligence that led to the 2003 invasion somehow exists in a vacuum isolated from history. Those of us who attempted to connect it with the 1991 invasion were often called unpatriotic or simply disregarded and ignored by an irresponsible media excited by the fervor of yet another example of American military interventionism.
I strive to call it the "Second Gulf War" in a feeble attempt to acknowledge its relation to the "First Gulf War" in 1991 when Iraqi President Hussein actually /had/ weapons of mass destruction. However, is it fair to even isolate the two? I remember US President Clinton launching missile attacks against Iraq during the 1990's, supposedly when the "First Gulf War" had ended, as well as the establishment of /no-fly zones/ to degrade the Iraqi military.
Is it fair to ignore those events? If there was still combat action in between them, is it possible that the "First Gulf War" and the "Second Gulf War" were merely punctuated military efforts in one long confrontation? Did the "Gulf War" we are currently fighting actually begin in 1991?
Or did it begin in the 1980's, when US President Reagan secretly provided weapons to Hussein in order to combat Iran? Or did it begin in 1979 with the Islamic Revolution in Iran? Or did it begin in 1954 with the US-assisted overthrow of Mossadegh in favour of the Shah, whose rule would eventually trigger the Islamic Revolution? Did the "Gulf War" start before the US Army started firing?
It's complex, I must say. That's why I don't think we should simplify it by saying the "Iraq War" and automatically assuming that it slaps together the various events of the past six years in that nation.
And now, if you'd excuse me, I'm hungry.
Calling it the "Iraq War" is to somehow imply that the faulty intelligence that led to the 2003 invasion somehow exists in a vacuum isolated from history. Those of us who attempted to connect it with the 1991 invasion were often called unpatriotic or simply disregarded and ignored by an irresponsible media excited by the fervor of yet another example of American military interventionism.
I strive to call it the "Second Gulf War" in a feeble attempt to acknowledge its relation to the "First Gulf War" in 1991 when Iraqi President Hussein actually /had/ weapons of mass destruction. However, is it fair to even isolate the two? I remember US President Clinton launching missile attacks against Iraq during the 1990's, supposedly when the "First Gulf War" had ended, as well as the establishment of /no-fly zones/ to degrade the Iraqi military.
Is it fair to ignore those events? If there was still combat action in between them, is it possible that the "First Gulf War" and the "Second Gulf War" were merely punctuated military efforts in one long confrontation? Did the "Gulf War" we are currently fighting actually begin in 1991?
Or did it begin in the 1980's, when US President Reagan secretly provided weapons to Hussein in order to combat Iran? Or did it begin in 1979 with the Islamic Revolution in Iran? Or did it begin in 1954 with the US-assisted overthrow of Mossadegh in favour of the Shah, whose rule would eventually trigger the Islamic Revolution? Did the "Gulf War" start before the US Army started firing?
It's complex, I must say. That's why I don't think we should simplify it by saying the "Iraq War" and automatically assuming that it slaps together the various events of the past six years in that nation.
And now, if you'd excuse me, I'm hungry.
27 September 2009
Why I Left (NJ 32 / 87)
I'm often asked, when people find out that I'm Canadian, why I didn't just go to a Canadian University. When people find out that UWO is in London, they ask me why I didn't just attend Huron instead of leaving for New Jersey.
Sometimes I give them the obvious answers. Daddy works at UMDNJ. I wanted to expand my horizons by attending a foreign University. Attending University in the United States puts me in a better position for law school. Rutgers made a better financial offer than U of T.
That's all bullshit, though. The real reason is because of something those of us who attended Oakridge without the ability to penetrate its ruling class can profess.
Yes, I was on Student Parliament. Kind of. Yes, I was involved. A bit, and for the first part of the year. And yes, I was a good student. Sort of. But the real reason that I left is because Oakridge and London-West are the same thing: a cesspool of indignant behaviour and irritating dramatics by a group of over-privileged brats who don't understand the rarity of a stable middle class environment.
Many of the people who stay in London for University, if they're not careful, fall into a trap where they never leave. They cling to their high school friends, in some cases their high school spouses, and drink to their heart's desire whenever they can. They graduate and settle into a life in service of a corporation or the municipal government in a low-ranked or middle-ranked position, establish families, and watch their children do the same thing.
That's my nightmare scenario. When you settle into London, you're trapped there. The world becomes an obscure place outside of your reach, and the greatest pleasures you'll find in life are aligned to Richmond Street.
So I didn't leave because I had to leave. I left because, despite everything London has to offer, it has nothing of substance to offer a budding intellectual. It is one of the largest one-horse towns that has ever existed.
And Rutgers offered more money than U of T as well.
Sometimes I give them the obvious answers. Daddy works at UMDNJ. I wanted to expand my horizons by attending a foreign University. Attending University in the United States puts me in a better position for law school. Rutgers made a better financial offer than U of T.
That's all bullshit, though. The real reason is because of something those of us who attended Oakridge without the ability to penetrate its ruling class can profess.
Yes, I was on Student Parliament. Kind of. Yes, I was involved. A bit, and for the first part of the year. And yes, I was a good student. Sort of. But the real reason that I left is because Oakridge and London-West are the same thing: a cesspool of indignant behaviour and irritating dramatics by a group of over-privileged brats who don't understand the rarity of a stable middle class environment.
Many of the people who stay in London for University, if they're not careful, fall into a trap where they never leave. They cling to their high school friends, in some cases their high school spouses, and drink to their heart's desire whenever they can. They graduate and settle into a life in service of a corporation or the municipal government in a low-ranked or middle-ranked position, establish families, and watch their children do the same thing.
That's my nightmare scenario. When you settle into London, you're trapped there. The world becomes an obscure place outside of your reach, and the greatest pleasures you'll find in life are aligned to Richmond Street.
So I didn't leave because I had to leave. I left because, despite everything London has to offer, it has nothing of substance to offer a budding intellectual. It is one of the largest one-horse towns that has ever existed.
And Rutgers offered more money than U of T as well.
12 September 2009
Thoughts on 9/11 (NJ 17 / 87)
This is about a day late, but I was quite busy yesterday and I'm on my reading break right now. Assume it's Friday. Pardon if it's disorganized, but this is a blog after all.
It has been eight years since 9/11, and for the most part much of the discussion of the event's tragedy has dissipated. The news outlets I saw mainly discussed global progress in the "War on Terror" in the past eight years; whether in "Where is Usama ibn Laden?" segments, "Target Afghanistan" segments, etc.
This is, of course, a far cry from seven years ago when candlelight vigils were held in many places across the globe accompanied by relief concerts and gigantic skylights rising from the ashes of the World Trade Center. Now one has to be the King of Pop evoke a more annoying variation of the same reaction.
I think part of it is because, as a result of 9/11 being used to justify a variety of unpopular decisions by the Bush Administration, people subconsciously view it with a sort of disdain and stray away from most attempts to express sympathy. Indeed, I heard a number of people compare the deaths in 9/11 to the total deaths of all civilians and soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan.
But perhaps this is a good thing? I personally believe that without significant public pressure, one is able to more efficiently meditate on what 9/11 means to him/her.
Personally, 9/11 will first and foremost be associated with gnats. Whenever someone mentions gnats, I think of 9/11. This is because, when I was watching coverage of the Twin Towers burning, I saw what looked like gnats flying off of windows.
Although I was in Grade 5, I wasn't a moron; and I knew that they couldn't possibly be gnats. When I looked closer, I saw small lines moving around. I was even more confused. It took a few minutes to realize that I was investigating the flailing limbs of people who chose to jump to their deaths rather than burn alive. That was my first real experience with death in its horrifyingly brutal variations.
I will also always associate 9/11 with a certain level of annoyance. After years of hearing people scream about 9/11 being an act of war, 9/11 being a lesson in the importance of national security, and 9/11 being used as a justification for murder- this is where those fun statistical comparisons to dead people in the Middle East and South Asia come in-, I think people have forgotten about the hopeful elements of that day.
I remember 9/11 very clearly. 9/11 was a day when New Yorkers, whether city personnel or untrained civilians, risked and in some cases gave their lives to save others. It was a day when partisanship took an appreciated vacation because of an unspoken agreement that divisions were pointless in the face of this tragedy. It was a day when, despite some isolated celebrations, people all over the world offered the United States solidarity and mourned the deaths of people most of them did not even know.
It was a day when people stood together in the face of calculated evil to assist and support each other for no other reason than they were human beings in need. I personally believe that to remember 9/11 is to have a sort of rejuvenation in one's hope in mankind; and is a completely different thing than both analyzing and exploiting 9/11. I try my best not to mix the three.
It has been eight years since 9/11, and for the most part much of the discussion of the event's tragedy has dissipated. The news outlets I saw mainly discussed global progress in the "War on Terror" in the past eight years; whether in "Where is Usama ibn Laden?" segments, "Target Afghanistan" segments, etc.
This is, of course, a far cry from seven years ago when candlelight vigils were held in many places across the globe accompanied by relief concerts and gigantic skylights rising from the ashes of the World Trade Center. Now one has to be the King of Pop evoke a more annoying variation of the same reaction.
I think part of it is because, as a result of 9/11 being used to justify a variety of unpopular decisions by the Bush Administration, people subconsciously view it with a sort of disdain and stray away from most attempts to express sympathy. Indeed, I heard a number of people compare the deaths in 9/11 to the total deaths of all civilians and soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan.
But perhaps this is a good thing? I personally believe that without significant public pressure, one is able to more efficiently meditate on what 9/11 means to him/her.
Personally, 9/11 will first and foremost be associated with gnats. Whenever someone mentions gnats, I think of 9/11. This is because, when I was watching coverage of the Twin Towers burning, I saw what looked like gnats flying off of windows.
Although I was in Grade 5, I wasn't a moron; and I knew that they couldn't possibly be gnats. When I looked closer, I saw small lines moving around. I was even more confused. It took a few minutes to realize that I was investigating the flailing limbs of people who chose to jump to their deaths rather than burn alive. That was my first real experience with death in its horrifyingly brutal variations.
I will also always associate 9/11 with a certain level of annoyance. After years of hearing people scream about 9/11 being an act of war, 9/11 being a lesson in the importance of national security, and 9/11 being used as a justification for murder- this is where those fun statistical comparisons to dead people in the Middle East and South Asia come in-, I think people have forgotten about the hopeful elements of that day.
I remember 9/11 very clearly. 9/11 was a day when New Yorkers, whether city personnel or untrained civilians, risked and in some cases gave their lives to save others. It was a day when partisanship took an appreciated vacation because of an unspoken agreement that divisions were pointless in the face of this tragedy. It was a day when, despite some isolated celebrations, people all over the world offered the United States solidarity and mourned the deaths of people most of them did not even know.
It was a day when people stood together in the face of calculated evil to assist and support each other for no other reason than they were human beings in need. I personally believe that to remember 9/11 is to have a sort of rejuvenation in one's hope in mankind; and is a completely different thing than both analyzing and exploiting 9/11. I try my best not to mix the three.
08 September 2009
Crimes of the Mundane - NJ 13 / 87
Hey guys! It has been a busy two weeks what with school and textbooks and cleaning and everything, so I haven't been blogging. Most of it has been bland and uninteresting, but let's see if we can find anything interesting to talk about?
My life is pretty much similar to last year, what with people always saying "hi" to me and stuff because I'm cool like that and know everyone for some reason. I was too tired to go debating tonight, but I've gathered together my busy schedule and it looks like I'll have enough time for the always attractive Pharmacy-best-friend, my social activities in New Jersey and also to keep in touch with all my Canadian friends with their various code names. Good stuff.
Speaking of which, I feel really different than I did at the beginning of the summer. Thinking back, I really can't believe I let half the things that bothered me bother me. They were so stupid and trivial that if my friends really did care about them significantly, they wouldn't be worth my time. And the people who did weren't worth my time. So why did I care? Stupid Bilal. I hope the social anxiety didn't annoy people too much... Was that socially anxious? Was asking if it was socially anxious socially anxious? Whatever, I'm getting better gradually.
Also, May's party activities have apparently made me notorious in Afghanistan-marine friend's social circles. A girl who we had just met exclaimed "him!?" in reference to me when he started sharing stories, so I suppose the appeal is that I look too nerdy to be doing stuff like this. Or that I should know better. It's a good time either way.
The people who don't call me Canada now call me Bilowl, incidentally. Go Parliament friend's photo album made like- four months ago I think?
Anyway, nothing all too pressing. I'm going to declare my two majors, Arabic and Political Science, and talk to people about potentially exploring my three minors, English, Botany, and Ancient/Medieval Civilizations. I like learning, so I hope I get to take them all, but I might have to narrow it down. My Professors are all interesting people who mark difficultly, so I'll have to sacrifice a lot of people to Quetzcoatl to get a 4.0 this semester.
Also, if anyone from Canada is reading this, I'm knitting you guys Thanksgiving/Christmas presents. So prepare for that.
Nothing else at this time. I'm waiting for a lot of textbooks, so I hope that happens soon. Same with the camera, I'm going to New York City with Soti-Panda on Friday. Ciao for now!
My life is pretty much similar to last year, what with people always saying "hi" to me and stuff because I'm cool like that and know everyone for some reason. I was too tired to go debating tonight, but I've gathered together my busy schedule and it looks like I'll have enough time for the always attractive Pharmacy-best-friend, my social activities in New Jersey and also to keep in touch with all my Canadian friends with their various code names. Good stuff.
Speaking of which, I feel really different than I did at the beginning of the summer. Thinking back, I really can't believe I let half the things that bothered me bother me. They were so stupid and trivial that if my friends really did care about them significantly, they wouldn't be worth my time. And the people who did weren't worth my time. So why did I care? Stupid Bilal. I hope the social anxiety didn't annoy people too much... Was that socially anxious? Was asking if it was socially anxious socially anxious? Whatever, I'm getting better gradually.
Also, May's party activities have apparently made me notorious in Afghanistan-marine friend's social circles. A girl who we had just met exclaimed "him!?" in reference to me when he started sharing stories, so I suppose the appeal is that I look too nerdy to be doing stuff like this. Or that I should know better. It's a good time either way.
The people who don't call me Canada now call me Bilowl, incidentally. Go Parliament friend's photo album made like- four months ago I think?
Anyway, nothing all too pressing. I'm going to declare my two majors, Arabic and Political Science, and talk to people about potentially exploring my three minors, English, Botany, and Ancient/Medieval Civilizations. I like learning, so I hope I get to take them all, but I might have to narrow it down. My Professors are all interesting people who mark difficultly, so I'll have to sacrifice a lot of people to Quetzcoatl to get a 4.0 this semester.
Also, if anyone from Canada is reading this, I'm knitting you guys Thanksgiving/Christmas presents. So prepare for that.
Nothing else at this time. I'm waiting for a lot of textbooks, so I hope that happens soon. Same with the camera, I'm going to New York City with Soti-Panda on Friday. Ciao for now!
31 August 2009
On the Precipice - NJ 5 / 87
Hey readers!
How is everyone doing? I had a great day of socializing yesterday. I actually got to see Pharmacy-best-friend! We watched "Veronica Mars" together and it made me really happy because she's cute and fun. I also took an excursion on campus and said salutations to a few people who moved in; and I may go again today.
I wonder how London, Ontario is for everyone. Particularly Parliament-friend, who has been decidedly out of touch. I hope I'm not missing anything significant. Also, I hope that the work schedule for Equestrian-friend is less demanding during the school year.
Also, I'm getting my camera today! My crappy Canon Powershot. I'll use it to take pictures of everything like an immature Sorority girl.
Anyway, this was a lame entry, because I have to get going now. I have to repair my watch, do some banking activities, and purchase some school supplies because class starts tomorrow. Fair thee well, Facebook and Blogspot.
PS: Are you reading this, Belgian-friend? If you are, Soti-Panda is going to have a friend in the form of a Webkinz very soon. Watch the video posts on your Facebook wall. :D
How is everyone doing? I had a great day of socializing yesterday. I actually got to see Pharmacy-best-friend! We watched "Veronica Mars" together and it made me really happy because she's cute and fun. I also took an excursion on campus and said salutations to a few people who moved in; and I may go again today.
I wonder how London, Ontario is for everyone. Particularly Parliament-friend, who has been decidedly out of touch. I hope I'm not missing anything significant. Also, I hope that the work schedule for Equestrian-friend is less demanding during the school year.
Also, I'm getting my camera today! My crappy Canon Powershot. I'll use it to take pictures of everything like an immature Sorority girl.
Anyway, this was a lame entry, because I have to get going now. I have to repair my watch, do some banking activities, and purchase some school supplies because class starts tomorrow. Fair thee well, Facebook and Blogspot.
PS: Are you reading this, Belgian-friend? If you are, Soti-Panda is going to have a friend in the form of a Webkinz very soon. Watch the video posts on your Facebook wall. :D
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